hands

you were always so nonchalant about everything. i don’t believe you thought twice about it before you grabbed my hand. my eyes filled with tears at the thought of my palm being grossly sweaty and my heart skipped a beat, but you didn’t even blink. that’s what i loved about you most, i think. the fact that, no matter how monumental your actions seemed to me, you never showed even the slightest change in facial expression. it amazed me to no end, which is why i was blown away when you left with nothing but a pat on the back, a jovial smile, and a “see ya around!” what i thought was an impressive concealment of emotion was revealed to simply be nomadic indifference. you flooded my senses with charming sweetness and left me with the bitterest of aftertastes. i was empty after you. rebuilding has been a rocky journey, but with you as my example, i think i’m almost happy again. i’ve been learning to grasp the hands of those who can give me what i need but not get so attached that i forget how to function on my own. thank you for holding my hand, and thank you even more for letting go.

~mj